Today, the universe will conspire against your little finger. Your lucky item - a full metal glove. Keep your hands in your pockets, and the risk of you losing one of your phalanges will narrow significantly to 1 in 2. Super Rain Shower “Alfredo” to Hit Talamban
TALAMBAN -Residents get ready for the onslaught of super rain shower alfredo which threatens to flood the busy district in ankle deep flooding. Tensions escalated when the flood weary barangay heard news of a shipment of badly needed rain boots and unfashionable raincoats were lost and swept away, ironically, in a category 7 taligsik just two days prior. “when will this wet woe wane away?” quoted an alliterative resident as chuck taylors, nike high-tops, vans slip ons and DC skate shoes get muddied and sopping wet.
Meteorologists attribute the root cause for these super rain showers that plague the area as due to a degree of “closed-mindedness” also attributing the “high levels of social apathy” in the air as a possible cause. Upon further reading the elaborate graphs, the erudite meteorologist foretold even more alarming news “…in this current climate, we can expect more of the same misery in later months starting with ‘alfredo‘ (category 8), then ‘mary joy’ (category 9) and finally starting the new year with the daddy of them all ‘monet’ (category12).” -LPM
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alfredo rages on!
who are them people: alfredo, mary joy and monet?
they seem to be the local names of forecast super rain showers.
due to recent developments, this may very well be the last article of the stoned prophet leopoldo matudnila, no longer will he scry into the futcha as events seen will surely come to pass, though many believe him to be a drug-less wannabe seer who suffers from a debilitating case of the cassandra complex as detractors were also quick to point out that his predictions were merely flukes, though there is much evidence that support the contrary. when asked what he last foresaw in his crystal ball, he cryptically said ‘zombiepocalypse’ and was later seen stockpiling on shotgun ammo, food and water supplies. -LM