The Plaza Housing Gazette

CEBU CITY – A call from an anonymous caller (duh) led the police to an immediate raid down the city’s sewers today. Received at 4AM this morning, the call tipped off the police about the hideout of the stealthy vigilantes that have been roaming the city recently, always a second ahead of the police in apprehending criminals. Upon receiving this information, officers came hurriedly down through the man-hole in full combat suit, and a road block was set as the man-hole had to be blasted open to allow fatso police officers to fit in. This caused a heavy traffic jam during rush hour.

Officers raced to the reported den of the vigilantes, passing through a clogged canals with human waste and garbage dropped from a squatter’s area. To the dismay of everyone awakened, police did not capture any of the reported vigilantes. All they found was a rat scampering away with a stick. The vigilantes again proved that they are indeed always ahead of our police officers.

“It seems that they knew we were coming. We tried to be as quick and stealthy as possible. We even blasted the man-hole to silence the crying of one of our officers because he couldn’t squeeze through,” Chief Police Saki said. He added, “They can run, they can hide, but they can’t escape my love.”

The raid, however, did not go to complete waste. Police recovered vital evidence that could lead them to the identity of these vigilantes. Police found four differently-colored masks which confirm that this was indeed the den of the vigilantes they are after. They also discovered paintings, sculptures, and blue prints of buildings.

As of today, police are still in hot pursuit. The police are warning the public about these vigilantes and are offering rewards for information on their whereabouts. The faces of these vigilantes have not been seen as they are found to be consistently wearing coloured masks, but they can easily be noticed as teenagers who always carry with them some-kind-of-but-not-quite-a shield on their back. Always. COWABUNGA! – JS