Today's Horrorscope (Libra): Sep 23 - Oct 23
Today, the universe will conspire against your little finger. Your lucky item - a full metal glove. Keep your hands in your pockets, and the risk of you losing one of your phalanges will narrow significantly to 1 in 2.
MANILA- In an ironic twist, the 2010 national elections for the Philippines will be cancelled due to ‘non-technical difficulties’ from the shiny new technology being imposed on the backwards and religious people that make up the vast majority of the voting population.
Smart-o-matic, the provider of the new and shiny technology was simply ‘dumbfounded’. Testing was [...]
The Church of Santinology is going to hold an extravagant thanksgiving celebration this coming February 5, with different events to be taking place in Metro Manila and in the town of Bagoong Pag-Asa, Pampanga. The event is going to bring all Santinologists, celebrity and non-celebrity alike, to a day of merry-making and thanksgiving.
The celebration is [...]
CEBU CITY – A hit-and-run victim lives again after two hours of being clinically dead.
Prokopio Manggubat Jr., single, age 38, Filipino, Roman Catholic, was run over yesterday at 9:30PM by a raging Ceres Liner bus at the intersection of the M. Bacalso highway. The accident crushed the man and sent him flying some distance straight into a gutter. However, the bus vanished into thin air after the incident and on-lookers did not see the plate numbers of the vehicle. They were, however, completely sure that it was a Ceres Liner.
VATICAN – In a rare case of understanding, religious leaders the world over have come to an agreement on the validity of a prophesy that has been loosely credited to Nostradamus. The prophesy, detailed on an ancient scroll estimated to be at the least 3 months old and bearing mystic art of what appears to be a scantily-clad high priestess lifting a bottle of sacred wine, foretells the end of the year on approximately 23:59 on the 31st of December.
CEBU CITY – The Association of Mothers Bothered by Uncalled-for Termination (AMBUT), Cebu Branch, has filed a complaint against mother ducks who mercilessly sell their eggs for food and shelter. Abortion in Cebu has risen to an alarming rate of thousands a day, and a big portion of that, approximately 99.69%, is due to the [...]
LOREGA –“Life is meaningless” claims Kevin Zapanta 42, resident user deep within the heart of BARANGAY LOREGA. Initially his first response as he melted shabu (methamphetamine) over a foil with a blue lighter that lights up at the bottom, displaying a pornographic
