The Plaza Housing Gazette

MANILA- In an ironic twist, the 2010 national elections for the Philippines will be cancelled due to ‘non-technical difficulties’ from the shiny new technology being imposed on the backwards and religious people that make up the vast majority of the voting population.
Smart-o-matic, the provider of the new and shiny technology was simply ‘dumbfounded’. Testing was [...]

CEBU CITY – A would-be assassin was arrested yesterday at the Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center after subjecting himself to an eye test. In his patient profile, the assassin carelessly indicated his symptoms as “failing to find the President during an assassination attempt”. The ophthalmologist’s secretary was quick to inform the police, who arrived at the scene after an hour.

Presidential aspirant Senator Manny Villar was a no-show at the Senate’s probe on the C-5 Road Project once again. Nonetheless, the scene inside the session hall got thrilling.
Senator Jinggoy Estrada took advantage of his privilege speech to jibe at Villar, branding him as “a selfish brat”.
“Villar is a selfish brat,” Estrada declared in his speech. [...]

CEBU CITY – Engineer J. Seph, a professor at a university well-known for its “more-money-higher-grades” policy, was suspended yesterday with an investigation pending on his illegal teaching methods. Engr. Seph had allegedly been giving lessons to students that were not pre-approved by the school. Eyebrows were raised on Seph when Mary (real name withheld), 14, a student at the university, passed the test she took last week.

CEBU CITY – A street festival was held over the weekend in Cebu City for the first time ever and attracted a “kinda large” crowd, despite being a first-time event and in spite of competition from the equally popular Fiesta sa Pasil. It was declared a “mild success” and according to event organizers, “there’s a good chance it will be held again next year”.

Mendawe City- Mendawe City Mayor Johan Court allegedly sent some SWAT personnel to B’gay Up and Down last midnight to shut down an on-going HEKASI project belonging to his rival 26th District Congresswoman Marry Moon Royce.
Mayor Court, at an interview in a nearby billiard hall, told PHG that the office of Cong. Royce did not [...]

CEBU CITY – The Association of Mothers Bothered by Uncalled-for Termination (AMBUT), Cebu Branch, has filed a complaint against mother ducks who mercilessly sell their eggs for food and shelter. Abortion in Cebu has risen to an alarming rate of thousands a day, and a big portion of that, approximately 99.69%, is due to the [...]

CEBU CITY – In a move anticipated to qualm increasingly obnoxious weekly rallies, the Cebu City Council has approved City Ordinance No. 1269, making illegal the shooting, or otherwise premeditated harm, of digital cameras. This as an aftermath to an earlier incident involving allegations against Mayor Tomas Osmena’s son (name unknown as of press time) of shooting an innocent digital camera, instantly killing it.

TALAMBAN -Residents get ready for the onslaught of super rain shower alfredo which threatens to flood the busy district in ankle deep flooding. Tensions escalated when the flood weary barangay heard news of a shipment of badly needed rain boots and unfashionable raincoats were lost and swept away, ironically, in a category 7 taligsik just [...]

GENERAL SANTOS CITY – Returning home from his momentous win over Miguel Cotto, the People’s Champ Emmanuel “Manny” Pacquiao announced yesterday that he will be sponsoring a summer boxing clinic specifically aimed at gay people.  The boxing clinic which will start by the summer of 2010 (cross your fingers, folks) will be one of the [...]

“Another thing, our young people have lost all moral standards and I will not allow any more debauchery to rule our occasionally peaceful city,” he said. At this point, confusion started to arise as to how ‘debauchery’ could be related to trains.