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Man Jumps off the Ledge
CEBU – A man jumped off from a building yesterday noon. The said man was still alive and was screaming when he was rushed to the nearest hospital. Teban A. Ukay, 29, was pronounced dead on arrival at the Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center (VSMMC)...
Would-Be Assassin Arrested During Eye Check
CEBU CITY – A would-be assassin was arrested yesterday at the Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center after subjecting himself to an eye test. In his patient profile, the assassin carelessly indicated his symptoms as “failing to find the President...
Family Banished After Bombs Discovered
LEFTTOWN – A family of 10 has been banned from setting foot in Brgy. Lorega ever again after strong evidence pointed to them as prolific bombmakers. Reports had been received since last month that suspicious people were going in and out of an abandoned...
Vigilantes’ Shell Cracked
CEBU CITY – A call from an anonymous caller (duh) led the police to an immediate raid down the city’s sewers today. Received at 4AM this morning, the call tipped off the police about the hideout of the stealthy vigilantes that have been roaming...
Abortions To Drop Expeditiously Once RA Implemented
CEBU CITY – The Association of Mothers Bothered by Uncalled-for Termination (AMBUT), Cebu Branch, has filed a complaint against mother ducks who mercilessly sell their eggs for food and shelter. Abortion in Cebu has risen to an alarming rate of...
Council Passes Anti-Camera Shooting Law
CEBU CITY – In a move anticipated to qualm increasingly obnoxious weekly rallies, the Cebu City Council has approved City Ordinance No. 1269, making illegal the shooting, or otherwise premeditated harm, of digital cameras. This as an aftermath to...
Tommy Misunderstands; Opposes LRT Idea
CEBU CITY – In a press conference held yesterday, Mayor Tomas Osmena reiterated his firm opposition to the “LRT Project” being championed by Cebu governor Gwendolyn Garcia. Although several key people in the Cebu political arena have...
Man High on Shabu Realizes Meaninglessness of Life
LOREGA –“Life is meaningless” claims Kevin Zapanta 42, resident user deep within the heart of BARANGAY LOREGA. Initially his first response as he melted shabu (methamphetamine) over a foil with a blue lighter that lights up at the bottom, displaying...
Man Faces Murder After Killing Self
CEBU CITY — Ariel Rivero, age 38, Filipino, single, Roman Catholic, was found dead in his room at his apartment somewhere in Juan Seno, Mabolo. Investigators ruled out foul play and came up with the conclusion that it was suicide when they found...