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MANILA- In an ironic twist, the 2010 national elections for the Philippines will be cancelled due to ‘non-technical difficulties’ from the shiny new technology being imposed on the backwards and religious people that make up the vast majority of the voting population.
Smart-o-matic, the provider of the new and shiny technology was simply ‘dumbfounded’. Testing was [...]
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CEBU CITY – A would-be assassin was arrested yesterday at the Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center after subjecting himself to an eye test. In his patient profile, the assassin carelessly indicated his symptoms as “failing to find the President during an assassination attempt”. The ophthalmologist’s secretary was quick to inform the police, who arrived at the scene after an hour.
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The Church of Santinology is going to hold an extravagant thanksgiving celebration this coming February 5, with different events to be taking place in Metro Manila and in the town of Bagoong Pag-Asa, Pampanga. The event is going to bring all Santinologists, celebrity and non-celebrity alike, to a day of merry-making and thanksgiving.
The celebration is [...]
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Presidential aspirant Senator Manny Villar was a no-show at the Senate’s probe on the C-5 Road Project once again. Nonetheless, the scene inside the session hall got thrilling.
Senator Jinggoy Estrada took advantage of his privilege speech to jibe at Villar, branding him as “a selfish brat”.
“Villar is a selfish brat,” Estrada declared in his speech. [...]
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CEBU CITY – Engineer J. Seph, a professor at a university well-known for its “more-money-higher-grades” policy, was suspended yesterday with an investigation pending on his illegal teaching methods. Engr. Seph had allegedly been giving lessons to students that were not pre-approved by the school. Eyebrows were raised on Seph when Mary (real name withheld), 14, a student at the university, passed the test she took last week.
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CEBU CITY – A street festival was held over the weekend in Cebu City for the first time ever and attracted a “kinda large” crowd, despite being a first-time event and in spite of competition from the equally popular Fiesta sa Pasil. It was declared a “mild success” and according to event organizers, “there’s a good chance it will be held again next year”.
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LEFTTOWN – A family of 10 has been banned from setting foot in Brgy. Lorega ever again after strong evidence pointed to them as prolific bombmakers. Reports had been received since last month that suspicious people were going in and out of an abandoned lot in Lorega. The baranggay originally did not mind these reports since this is a common activity in the area. It was only yesterday that the baranggay was alarmed after a text message was sent by an anonymous “concerned citizen” informing them that he had seen bombs in the said abandoned lot.
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CEBU CITY – Local marathon hobbyist Junio Dela Rama, 43, participant in the 1st Cebu City Marthon, made a wrong turn at the 21K mark and suddenly became a half-marathon hobbyist. Dela Rama earlier registered for the 42K event. He blamed the scantily-clad and likewise scantily-weighed female runners for his uncharacteristic loss of orientation. He was officially disqualified from the race in which he was not favored by a long shot to win anyway.
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CAVITE CITY – Chart-topping dance-rock crooner Efren Peñaflorida is set to release a new single this February 14, a follow-up to his CNN Song of the Year “Kariton Klasrum”.
The single, titled “Kariton Angel” will come out as a dance track with romantic lyrics and full of rock guitar. Showbiz columnist Julie Ang Babaw, who co-wrote [...]
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Mendawe City- Mendawe City Mayor Johan Court allegedly sent some SWAT personnel to B’gay Up and Down last midnight to shut down an on-going HEKASI project belonging to his rival 26th District Congresswoman Marry Moon Royce.
Mayor Court, at an interview in a nearby billiard hall, told PHG that the office of Cong. Royce did not [...]
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Today, the universe will conspire against your little finger. Your lucky item - a full metal glove. Keep your hands in your pockets, and the risk of you losing one of your phalanges will narrow significantly to 1 in 2. 
